Letting Love In-Ch32

Chapter 32:
The week went by surprisingly fast. He would call me in the morning, then call me after his games just to say goodnight. It was all good, but they lost every game; so when he called me it sounded like he was about ready to commit murder. He was supposed to be home around 2 on Sunday morning. I figured he would want to see me, so I decided to just sleep in his room and wait for him to come home. I went to bed around 1; I was watching a Whose Line Is It Anyway marathon. I woke up around 3:45 and he wasn’t home. I figured the plane was late or something, so I just rolled over and went back to sleep. I knew something was wrong when he came in at 5:30, tripping over nothing and swearing. “Sid?” I called into the semi-darkness of the room. “What are you doing here” he said, a little louder and nastier than really needed. “Well I figured you would-“ he cut me off. “Figured you would want to congratulate me on our awesome week” he kicked over a pile of clean clothes and made his way towards the bed. Then I realized, “You went drinking didn’t you?!” I half shrieked. “Shut up Kay. You don’t know what this is like for me” he barked back.
I didn’t know what to think. I knew the alcohol was partly talking to me, not the real Sidney. But then again he was screaming at me while I just sat there, lost in my thoughts. I was scared, and my only way out was the door. “You expect me to be the perfect person. I have enough pressure from everyone. I don’t need you looking after me, or trying to figure things out for me” he kept yelling. Tears began to flow down my cheeks. I got off the bed and raced to the door. He grabbed my wrist and kept yelling. “Where do you think you’re going? To tell your precious uncle that I’ve been an asshole to you?” I ripped my arm out of his hand and ran down the stairs back to my house.
Dot was whimpering in his cage when I ran into the house. It was like he knew that things were not right. It was now almost 6:00. I took Dot out of his cage and carried him up to my room with me. I laid there on my diva couch with Dot until I lost the fight with exhaustion and fell asleep.
It was about 10:00 when I woke up. Dot was having a feast on a pair of slippers in the corner of my room. I was too drained to even do anything about it. I walked into my bathroom and looked at myself. I had grey marks all under my eyes and on my cheeks. My face was red and it looked to be a little puffy. I had faint circles and bags under my eyes. While I was washing my face, Dot ran into the bathroom with a t-shirt in his mouth. I bent down to take it out. It was one of Sidney’s, the one he designed. Looking at it made me sick. I threw it into the hamper with a good amount of force and sighed.
“I know he didn’t mean it. But he still said it” I said to Dot, who was looking up at me. “Well I guess you have to go out” I said. I made my way outside, and Dot did his business. Kevin was walking out of the house as I was walking in. “Miss Kay, are you alright. I kind of heard what happened this morning when I brought Mr. Crosby home from the… well wherever he was.” “Yes Kevin, I’ll be fine. It really isn’t anything to worry about. I’m sure it will pass” I said, looking down. “Alright Miss Kay. But remember that you must accept the goods and bads with people as they come; you never really know what you will get. And you cannot just assume things only happen once” he raised his eyebrows and briskly walked into the garage.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I asked Dot. I shrugged it off and went inside. Now more people were awake. [Sunday is family sleep in day] I was praying that no one else had heard Sidney screaming at me this morning, and if they did I was hoping they would keep it to themselves. . Amanda and Nancy were too busy making the family’s Sunday brunch to talk to me, so I sat down in front of Dot’s cage and rearranged all the blankets, toys, and the bed. One by one the family members came downstairs. My mother reminded me that Dot had his injections the following day, my father said good morning and patted my head as he walked by, my brother messed up my hair and pet Dot, my aunt walked in talking to my cousins about them staying up too late, Uncle Mario said good morning to me and tapped my shoulder with the newspaper in his hand. It was a little after 11, and Sidney walked into the kitchen wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt.
I stood near the counter making myself look busy by arranging the fruit salad in a bowl. It sounded like no one had heard the fight because they all greeted him how they would have on any other morning. Soon enough Amanda shooed everyone into the dining room, except for me so I could finish the salad. “Keep your head up dear” she said to me as I walked into the dining room. I sat next to my uncle, and kept my eye contact and focus on my waffles, fruit and juice. When I was asked things I would look at the person talking, and every time someone said something I prayed it was not about Sidney, or him asking me to pass something.
Thankfully, brunch passed without a word between either of us. I could feel his eyes burning holes in my head when it was only me and him left at the table. I sat there, kind of like I was frozen in one position. He finally spoke. “Kay look, I know last night” he began, “It doesn’t matter” I said. It was barely audible. I needed to find something to hold on to, a crutch, that would keep me from bursting into tears. I picked up my glass of orange juice and slowly downed the juice as he continued to speak. “I’m sorry. I really don’t know what else to say. I didn’t mean it. I wasn’t myself. I just kind of lost my self control last night. That is one of my lowest points.” I concentrated on putting my glass down in the same spot it was, but my hand was shaking. I put it down quickly, but before I could pull my hand away he took it in his.
He looked down and saw the small bruises that were on my wrist. His head fell and a sigh escaped out of his lungs. He let go of my hand like it was a white hot piece of metal and rested his head in his hands. “I don’t understand this” I managed to squeak out. “Everything was so perfect. You were being amazing to me. You told me you loved me every time you talked to me. Then you just come back and start screaming at me, hurting me.” A tear rolled down my cheek and my vision was blurred. “I think I just need some time… to be away” he said. “What?” I said, now becoming angry. “Sidney, you came back here and broke my heart. For the first time ever I was scared of you. I thought you were going to hurt me. Now you just want to run away from this? Do you really think that is the right thing to do?” I was gripping my napkin so tight that my knuckles were white.
“I don’t know what I should do” he said. He looked up at me and I saw that he was hurt, tired, scared, angry… probably with himself. “Maybe I should go away and let you think things out. For now you can decide if you still want me” I was angry. I stood up and threw my napkin on the table. I started to walk out the door when I remembered one last thing. “I love you Sidney. I have from the start, and I will for a while. Just… remember that.” With that I walked out of the dining room and into the foyer. I didn’t hear any sounds of footsteps behind me. The only thing I heard was the sound of Amanda and Nancy cleaning dirty dishes.